my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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