oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and she was petting her beer can
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
