Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
