It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They took my balls.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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