My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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