you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
