Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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