Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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