My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mom said you looked used
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
