I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I smell stomach acid.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
