fuck your aforementioned shoe
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
