well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
