you traded sex for a burrito?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
