it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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