i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
