There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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