Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize