I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I checked into jail on foursquare
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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