you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
