if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
