Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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