I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
