I seem to have left my pride at pride
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
