what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
