wat bout pragnant strippers??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
