so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
