I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
