This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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