I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
