I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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