I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
