Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
