It's like a parade of train wrecks.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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