So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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