i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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