This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
