overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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