This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
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throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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