Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think i have two assholes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
