We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
