the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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