there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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