remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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