i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You took a bar mat shot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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