OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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