Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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