He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My ass is underappreciated
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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