drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
