is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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