I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
