oh god the rape fog is back!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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