She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
