My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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