she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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