Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
