this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
