What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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