1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
